How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
