nutella sex= disaster
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
