Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
