When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
