sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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