SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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