her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
