i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
