I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
