Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Enjoy the penises
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
