I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
