She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
