And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
