3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
