I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
