omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
