Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
