It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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