You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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