Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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