why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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