fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
