I smell stomach acid.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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