oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
