My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
