Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
