All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
