last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
