I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
