Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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