Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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