Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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