my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
