I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
