Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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