Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At least life still wants to fuck me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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