Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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