he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
