why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
