i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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