Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
