Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
