The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
