This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
