my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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