just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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