where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
