it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
