First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize