new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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