I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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