there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's get the cat blown out
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize