woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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