I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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