I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
