I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I met the friendliest cop last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
