Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
