We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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