I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
that is very illegal...i love you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
