I am puke
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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