a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize