In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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