i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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