Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
