i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
