oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
