I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
