Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
