shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
