Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
someone threw a dead crab at me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
