At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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